A Hard Lesson

Psalm 85:5 Will you be angry with us forever? Will you prolong your anger to all generations?

This is the call of the guilty crying for Gods mercy and a return to His favor.

There was a time in the past when I felt that God was smiling on me and I felt great benefits from our good relationship. For one reason or the other, I made a series of decision that were clearly outside of His will and I was met with a deafening silence in my spirit. My God was no longer there smiling on me. He was nowhere to be found. I definitely felt that our relationship had been lost. Eventually I decided that He was punishing me for my actions and that I would have to earn His love and favor this time. After several very bad years filled with humiliation and crushing failure, I felt that I had arrived at the end of my rope. Hugh had no more tricks up his sleeve, no one to help, no plan and no faith in my ability to pick up the pieces. It was here, at the bottom of the barrel, that I finally found my God. His was the only hand reaching down to me offering a way out. I took it and He lead me to my life today. Along the way, I discovered that God had never left me at all. He was always right where I had left Him. I was the one who had turned my back and I learned a hard lesson; He doesn't negotiate terms with us. This was a lesson of great value and like most things of great value, it didn't come cheap. I can't decide when and where I will be obedient to Him. Each time I chose my will over His, I put a stone in the wall I was building between us. Eventually the wall became tall enough that I lost sight of my God, and I just kept building until I had made a prison for myself. This has all taught me to look to my own actions and not to God's wrath when things aren't right between us. What am I not willing to do? What is too precious to give up? What am I unwilling to consider? It's always been me. The damage can't always be fixed immediately but He has always helped me dismantle these little walls when I decide I am willing to ask for His help and do what He says.

Father God, you are the Lord of truth and of love. Please lead me to faith in and obedience to you. Thank you for the lessons from my past that have become the tools of my present. Amen.